Our birth story

I kind of have to laugh at God's sense of humor when it comes to our birth story.  I think God was trying to show me that I need to let go of my over planning and over preparing because it gets me absolutely nowhere.  I remember sitting down at this computer to write a blog when I was 41 weeks pregnant about God's plan for the birth of my son.  Little did I know just how exactly perfect God's plan was and how imperfect my plan was.  If Emerson's birth would have gone how I planned, he would probably not be with us today.  As everything was unfolding I could not believe that it was happening to me, but sitting here 2 weeks and 1 day later I am so glad that God orchestrated the birth of my son.  I wouldn't change anything about our birth story.  

On Saturday, October 13, 2012 I called in to labor and delivery at 4:00 pm to see when they wanted me to come in for my induction since I was 12 days overdue.  After I called I started having minor contractions at home, but they were nothing too significant.  They told me to come in around 6:00 pm.  We checked in to the hospital around 6:30 pm and were asked to wait in the waiting room while a nurse got our room ready.  We waited for about 45 minutes and my contractions seemed to be getting stronger.  By the time they got me into bed and hooked me up to the monitors the nurse looked at me and said, "You're having contractions that are 2-5 minutes apart.  I'm thinking that the doctor is just going to let this happen naturally!"  This was God's first amazing miracle.  I am so glad that I didn't go into labor at home without all of the monitors.  The doctor came in and checked me awhile later and said that my contractions were close enough together that they were just going to let me progress on my own.  My doula showed up and soon after my mom and sister showed up.  I labored on the ball for awhile, but not too much later my nice little contractions turned into excruciating back labor due to the fact that Emerson was in the posterior position.  This was about when my water broke.  We tried laying over the bed, which helped for awhile, but the only thing that eased the pain a little bit was the nice hot shower.  Layton threw on his swim trunks and spent hours with me in the shower running the shower head all over my back.  When I couldn't stand up any longer, I made my way back into bed and the nurse checked me to see how far I had progressed.  I was about 5 cm dilated.  Yes!  That sounded really good to be.  

After about 8 hours of intense back labor they checked me again and I was still only 5 cm dilated.  I hadn't progressed at all.  At that point I felt like if this was going to take 24+ hours that I needed some sort of medical help in order to have the energy to make it to the end.  I broke down and got an epidural at around 3:30 am.  I was able to get a little bit of rest, but then Emerson's heart rate started dropping with each contraction.  We spent another 8 hours watching and monitoring his heart rate.  During these 8 hours, with each contraction his heart rate would dip below 90 and then when I wasn't having a contraction it would go right back up.  The doctor came in and inserted a monitor into the top of Emerson's head so that they could monitor his heart rate closer.  They also inserted a tube and monitor into my uterus.  The tube was to inject saline into my uterus.  They speculated that his cord was wrapped somewhere and the thought was that if they could provide fluid around him that it would give him a cushion and give the cord a break.  The monitor was to better monitor my contractions.  The saline worked for awhile, but then his heart rate started dropping again.  This is where they figured out that if they turned me into a different position that his heart rate would stay at a safe rate for awhile.  Layton and our doula spent a few hours flipping me from side to side.  The doctor came in and checked the contraction monitor and saw that my contractions where not nearly strong enough to progress me.  This is why I had only dilated 5 cm in 16 hours.  She wanted to try a little Pitocin to try and give me stronger contractions, but overtime they went to give it me his heart rate would drop even lower.  This is when the doctor spoke with me and Layton and said that her advice was to take Emerson my c-section instead of letting labor go on any further.  

I was devastated at first.  At the start of this pregnancy I had my heart set on having a natural, unmedicated birth and look what my birth story was turning into.  I felt like a failure.  The thought even crossed my mind that I had caused all of this because I had broken down and gotten the epidural.  I am so thankful that our doula, my mom and Layton were in the room with me to encourage me and set me straight.  

After we made the decision to go through with the c-section things started moving really quickly because at that point I had spiked a 100 degree fever.  They got Layton all suited up in his scrubs and we signed the consent form and they wheeled me into the operating room.  Not long after, Layton and our doula arrived in the operating room with me.  It wasn't long before I heard the little cry of my boy.  At 11:46 am on Sunday, October 14 (his Grandpa Wedgeworth's birthday), Emerson came into our lives.  All 7 lbs 8 oz and 21 1/4 inches of him!  They cleaned him off really quickly and brought him over to us so that I could hold him.  We didn't get to hold him for very long because there were a few things not in his favor at birth.  

This is where God really worked miracles!  First, his cord was double wrapped around his neck.  That's why his heart rate dropped with each contraction.  Second, I had an infection in my amniotic fluid called Chorioamnionitis that can pass along Sepsis to the baby.  And third, Emerson and I have incompatible blood types which can cause sever jaundice.  These are the three reasons why Emerson had to spend 48 hours away from us in the NICU.  

I am so thankful to my God for sparing my son from any of these things harming him.  He is perfectly healthy!  He never got an infection and his jaundice levels stayed really low.  He is a fighter and I know that God has amazing things in store for his life.  He is a champion nurser, despite being away from me for the first 48 hours of his life, and he has already put on 1 lb and 1 oz in 15 days!  I thank God every day when I look at Emerson that His plan prevailed and mine did not.  

Here are a few pictures that our doula took capturing our birth story.  

Definitely Discouraged but Encouraged

I've tried not to complain to anyone besides family throughout this pregnancy.  I think it is very insensitive to women who cannot get pregnant when women complain about pregnancy symptoms.  I'm going to break my rule just for a few minutes because I just need to write and get my feelings and emotions out.

This morning I had a complete breakdown.  I am almost 7 days past my due date and I am so emotionally, physically and mentally tired, drained and discouraged.  I had a friend who was due the same day as me who had her baby last week and I have a friend who is due 3 1/2 weeks after me who is now in labor.  That is what put me over the edge this morning.  When Layton came into the bedroom and told me that this friend's water had broken I broke down.  I completely bawled and I may have said some very irrational things at the time.  Here are some of the things that I've been thinking and saying to myself:

• I'm never going to have this baby
• Everyone is having their baby but me
• I'm going to be pregnant forever
• Something is wrong with my body and it doesn't know what it's supposed to do
• My body is going to look like this forever
• I'm never going to be comfortable or sleep comfortably again

I'm hoping that I'm not the only overdue women out there who has ever thought these thoughts.  

Being pregnant is tough.  It's a lot of work and it takes a toll on one's body.  Now take that past the 40 week mark and it gets even more difficult.  It starts to become a mental thing.  I think that due dates are from the devil.  If no one were to put into your head that your due date is on a specific date then we wouldn't get our hopes up.

I want this baby out!  Not only because I am completely uncomfortable, but because I have been waiting 40 weeks to meet him.  I have been dreaming about what his little hands and feet will look like.  I have been wondering if he'll have my nose and Layton's eyes.

Here's the good news.  I have really been feeling the Lord speaking to me through all of this.  Yesterday He reminded me of my life verse, Proverbs 3: 5-6, which says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all of your ways, acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."  I heard Him ask me the other night when I was in the tub, "Are you trusting in me? Do you trust that I know the exact day and time that your son will come into this world?"  And this morning I woke up with Jeremiah 29:11a in my head, which says, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord."  I love how that verse says that the plans for me are God's, not mine.  If I were to have it my way, Emerson would have been born on October 1st.  Apparently, that is not the way that God has for us and those are not the plans that He has for Emerson.

I am learning to wait through all of this.  I am not an extremely patient person and I am having to learn patience.  I know I'm not doing it very gracefully, but I'm learning it nonetheless.

I have quite a few doctors appointments this week since I'm a week past my due date and on Tuesday we will schedule an induction date for if he doesn't come on his own.  That is the one major things that is getting me through the next few days, knowing that by Tuesday we will have a final date on the calendar.  We will for sure know the last possible day that he will arrive.  Until then I sit and wait ungracefully patiently.

Now I'm going turn off my phone and go sit outside and read a book.  I need a mental health day!

Week 40...

I was really hoping that I wouldn't be writing this blog this week!  But I am sitting here on October 3, 2 days post date, writing yet another weekly blog update.  I have never wanted something to happen so badly in my life and it's driving me CRAZY having absolutely no control over it.  I guess I'm learning one of my first lessons about parenthood...you can't really plan and control! I'm learning to roll with the punches.  God already knows your birthday and I am trying to wait patiently until it is the right time for us to meet you.

Here are a few things that I've tried to get you to make your arrival.  Spicy foods, walking, bouncing on my exercise ball, and getting my membranes stripped twice (VERY painful).  Today I am going to try red raspberry leaf tea and pineapple.

I had another doctor appointment yesterday and haven't made any progress since last week and I'm trying not to get discouraged.  I've only gained 22 lbs so far!  If you are not here by Monday I have to go to the hospital to start having non-stress tests done to make sure that you aren't too stressed by being in my belly too long and next Tuesday we'll start discussing induction at 42 weeks.  Please little man...come out by then!  Your daddy is already done with work and is staying home with me now in anticipation of your arrival.

I promise I'll buy you something really special if you come out soon!

Your daddy...

Dear Emerson,

This is your daddy the day we found out we were having a son.  I think it's pretty safe to say that he was stoked!

I'm sitting here writing this letter to you only 5 days before your due date.  I wanted to take a little bit of time to introduce you to your daddy and tell you a little bit about him.  He is pretty gosh darn amazing and I cannot wait for you to meet him.  I am writing this letter to you in hopes that someday when he really ticks you off or embarrasses you that you can look back on this and realize just how good you have it that God chose to give Layton Jaret Wedgeworth to you as your daddy.

He is smart.  So smart sometimes that it scares me.  I hope you never think that your daddy is dumb. Learn from him.  He is so excited to have a son to teach all of the amazing things that he knows.

He is caring.  In fact, he is one of the most caring men that I know.  He is going to care so much for you and I hope that you learn to care for your wife and children just like he does.

He is not afraid to question.  This characteristic of your daddy's worried me a little bit at first, but now I admire it so much in him.  I hope that you also learn to question and not just take things for face value because it's what you're told.  Be like your daddy and really figure things out.

He is hilarious.  I know you won't always think so, but I pray that you have his sense of humor.  He makes me laugh every day and can use laughter to diffuse a situation.

He is loyal.  When he commits to something or someone he doesn't give up.  He is true to his word and makes sure that he follows through with things.  When you say that you're going to do something, make sure that you do!

He is giving.  He sure has spoiled me over the years and I have a feeling you might be a little spoiled too.  He tries to take care of family to the best of his ability and usually goes above and beyond.

He is adventurous.  I know he is so excited to take you out into the wilderness and instill in you the same love for backpacking that he has.  I know that you two are going to have many amazing adventures together!

He is the hardest worker I know, besides the other Wedgeworth men.  I pray that you get this trait.  Wedgeworth men are hard workers from your Great-Grandpa Wedgeworth on down.  I don't care what it is that you choose to do for a living as long as you love it and you work hard at it.

He wants the best for you.  Even though he hasn't even met you yet, he loves you so much.  He has found it so much fun over the last 9 months to watch my tummy roll and feel you kick.  And he is anxious to meet you.  If you can't already tell, I pretty much think your daddy is the best thing around and my prayer for you is that you will love and adore him just as much as I do.

You are one lucky dude Emerson William Wedgeworth to have Layton Jaret Wedgeworth as your daddy!

Love,
Your Mama

Weeks 38 & 39...

39 weeks down and only 1 to go!!  These last few weeks have felt like they have just been dragging, yet it feels like so much has happened too.  It is so difficult for me to sit around and wait for you when I am suck a planner.  I am definitely trying to learn to have more patience.

At this point in my pregnancy...I AM TOTALLY DONE!!  I just want you to come out so that I can finally meet you and stop being so dang uncomfortable, and your daddy agrees too!  I sent him a text at work the other day asking him what he was doing and he said,  "Just sitting around waiting for Emerson like I always do."  We are so anxious to meet our son.

I have gained about 25 lbs so far, but my doctor thinks their scale might have been off when I went in yesterday.  I'm having a little bit of swelling in my hands and feet, but nothing to substantial.  I've been having some soreness in my pubic bone for quite some time, but last week I felt an excruciating pain shoot through my pubic bone and it hasn't felt the same since.  I called the doctor and she said I have something knows as pubic symphysis, which is pretty much the separating of the pubic bone down the middle.  She told me that I need to limit any activity that aggravates it, so I had to stop prenatal yoga before I wanted to.  And since then I haven't been doing all that much.  Yesterday I went to the doctor to have my weekly check-up and I am 70% effaced and 1 cm dilated.  She was able to strip my membranes a tiny bit which caused some cramping and contractions last night but those stopped after I got in a warm bath.  It was so encouraging though knowing that I'm not going into labor with absolutely no progress.  I'm starting out a little bit ahead of the game.

Yesterday your nursery was featured on a website called Apartment Therapy, which I was so proud of!
http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/emersons-alpha-numero-room-my-room-177606

I think that's about it for the last few weeks.  We're just waiting for you.  I hope that I'm holding you in my arms next week instead of writing a weekly blog!

37 weeks...

37 weeks down and only 3 to go!!  It doesn't even seem possible.  I have everything done that I can think of, now i just sit and wait...and go to doctors appointments.  I am going to the doctor once a week now until you decide to make your arrival.  I also have my last growth ultrasound this week to check on your growth and to check on the growth my tumors.  I am so interested to see how much they will estimate your weight to be.  At least I'll kind of have an idea of how big you might be.

Nothing much to report this week.  I am not dilated yet but you are extremely low.  When I was checked a week ago you were at a -1 station, which means your head is almost fully engaged in my pelvis.  Needless to say, that makes your mommy quite uncomfortable :)

I have gained 21 pounds total so far, which I am very happy with.

This week I plan on pre-addressing your birth announcement so that I don't have to do it after you're here.  Your aunt Hannah is going to design the announcement for me.  Other than that I'm just sitting around waiting for your to decide when you want to join us.

Emerson's Letters & Numbers themed nursery

I wanted to make my little man's room VERY special for him, so the task of creating his nursery was a long and time consuming one for me.  I'm not one to just want to go out and buy everything.  I'd rather try and figure out a way to make it or buy a cheaper piece of furniture to refinish.  Most of everything in Emerson's nursery was either hand made or refinished by myself or a family member or friend.  The only major items we bought brand new were the glider and the crib.

I started out with a theme.  I have an English degree and both my husband and myself are big readers.  So that's where I pulled the letters part of the theme from.  My husband is a programming engineer and loves numbers and math.  That is where I pulled the numbers part of the the theme from.  I wanted Emerson's room to not just be a room where he sleeps, but I also wanted it to be stimulating and educational for him too.

Next I moved on to colors that I like.  I'm not afraid of color.  I didn't want to the colors to be the typical boyish or babyish colors.  I'm not a fan of extremely baby looking nurseries. So I looked around on Pinterest until I found a few color schemes that I liked and then I just pulled from those.  We ended up painting the walls a light gray and went with a burnt orange, teal, and kind of a moss green for the accent colors.  I made sure not to be too matchy matchy with the colors.  I didn't mind if a few of my teals were not the same shade of teal, or if my greens didn't quite match.

That's pretty much how I got started with everything.  I used Pinterest quite a bit for ideas and adapted things I found on there to fit into Emerson's nursery.

Now I'll break down all of the various elements in the nursery and how they were created or where they were purchased from.

The diaper pail I ended up going with is the Ubbi Diaper Pail and can be purchased at Giggle.  It initially caught my eye because it's orange.  It is a very nice diaper pail because it takes regular trash bags, so you don't have to worry about buying the expensive refills for it.  

I found a piece of wall art at Pottery Barn that had numbers all over it, but it was way too expensive, so I decided to create my own.  I did it the same way that I made the green art above the dresser/changing table.  I stuck vinyl numbers to a canvas and spray painted over them, then I peeled the numbers off.  It's a nice little touch for a Letters & Numbers themed nursery.  

The dresser is probably my favorite part of the nursery.  I was wanting to find something that was really long so that I could use it as a dresser/changing table combo and I found this adorable 1970's dresser on Craigslist for only $100.  I couldn't pass it up.  I absolutely love the detailing on it.  I chose to paint it a beautiful burnt orange color.  It was very easy to paint since it already had a nice coat of white paint on it.  I purchased paint with primer added to it from Home Depot.   

The print I ordered of of Etsy and the lamp came from Target.  

Here are just a few items that are hanging above the changing table/dresser combo.  The clock I found at Target and the green wall art I made.  All I did was buy vinyl letters off of Amazon, stick them to the canvas that I bought at Michaels, paint the entire canvas and after it dried I peeled the vinyl letters off.  You can use a paint brush to do this or you can use spray paint.

As I was searching on Pinterest one day I found a cute abacus that Crate and Barrel sells; however, their abacus was over $200 and I was not about to spend that.  I found a tutorial on Pinterest from someone that made their own abacus.  I showed their picture to my brother-in-law, who is in construction, and he said that he could easily make something that that.  I bought the little balls for it online and spray painted them the colors that were in the nursery.  He pretty much did the rest.

The changing pad cover I bought off of Amazon.  

The bookshelf we had already been using for our books so it didn't cost me anything.  The above picture is what it looked like before.  It originally came from Scandinavian Design.  This was a little trickier to paint than the dresser since it had a slick varnish over it, but I still didn't have to sand it.  I again bought paint with primer in it and with enough dry time it ended up turning out pretty well.  As you can see, it holds quite a bit of books and toys and I still have 3 shelves available as Emerson's library grows.

The teal curtains that are throughout the room I purchased online from Brylane Home for a very reasonable price. 

This cute little nightstand I purchased off of Craigslist also for only $35.  I used the same black paint that I used on the bookshelf.  The wicker part of  the nightstand had to be painted with black spray paint.  The green lamp was also purchased from Target.

Our glider is the The Little Castle Enchanted glider and recliner which we purchased at Walmart.  The teal foot stool with storage was purchased at Target.  The floor lamp was purchased from Urban Outfitter, as was the floor rug that is visible in various pictures of the room.   

The crib was purchased from Kids 'N Cribs.  It is the Creations Baby Summer's Evening Sleigh Crib w/ toddler rail.  It also has the option of turning into a double bed.
The quilt that is hanging over his crib was sewn by my best friend to match the various fabrics in the nursery and the crib skirt was sewn by my mother.   

The quilt for the inside of his crib was made by my mother with fabrics we selected to match the room.  The back side of the quilt is a very soft minky dot fabric. The crib sheets I ordered off of Amazon and they are black chenille to match the changing pad.  

The alphabet wall and the mobile above the crib were handmade.  I purchased a variety of wooden letters from Michaels and Joann's Fabric and then I spray painted them.  My best friend created the mobile from a picture that I found on Pinterest.  

The little rocking chair was refinished by my grandfather.  It used to belong to my mom.  The yarn wrapped "E" was created by my best friend as were the 3 stacking teal storage boxes.  

Emerson's complete Letters & Numbers themed nursery.