Monday, October 29, 2012

Our birth story

I kind of have to laugh at God's sense of humor when it comes to our birth story.  I think God was trying to show me that I need to let go of my over planning and over preparing because it gets me absolutely nowhere.  I remember sitting down at this computer to write a blog when I was 41 weeks pregnant about God's plan for the birth of my son.  Little did I know just how exactly perfect God's plan was and how imperfect my plan was.  If Emerson's birth would have gone how I planned, he would probably not be with us today.  As everything was unfolding I could not believe that it was happening to me, but sitting here 2 weeks and 1 day later I am so glad that God orchestrated the birth of my son.  I wouldn't change anything about our birth story.  

On Saturday, October 13, 2012 I called in to labor and delivery at 4:00 pm to see when they wanted me to come in for my induction since I was 12 days overdue.  After I called I started having minor contractions at home, but they were nothing too significant.  They told me to come in around 6:00 pm.  We checked in to the hospital around 6:30 pm and were asked to wait in the waiting room while a nurse got our room ready.  We waited for about 45 minutes and my contractions seemed to be getting stronger.  By the time they got me into bed and hooked me up to the monitors the nurse looked at me and said, "You're having contractions that are 2-5 minutes apart.  I'm thinking that the doctor is just going to let this happen naturally!"  This was God's first amazing miracle.  I am so glad that I didn't go into labor at home without all of the monitors.  The doctor came in and checked me awhile later and said that my contractions were close enough together that they were just going to let me progress on my own.  My doula showed up and soon after my mom and sister showed up.  I labored on the ball for awhile, but not too much later my nice little contractions turned into excruciating back labor due to the fact that Emerson was in the posterior position.  This was about when my water broke.  We tried laying over the bed, which helped for awhile, but the only thing that eased the pain a little bit was the nice hot shower.  Layton threw on his swim trunks and spent hours with me in the shower running the shower head all over my back.  When I couldn't stand up any longer, I made my way back into bed and the nurse checked me to see how far I had progressed.  I was about 5 cm dilated.  Yes!  That sounded really good to be.  

After about 8 hours of intense back labor they checked me again and I was still only 5 cm dilated.  I hadn't progressed at all.  At that point I felt like if this was going to take 24+ hours that I needed some sort of medical help in order to have the energy to make it to the end.  I broke down and got an epidural at around 3:30 am.  I was able to get a little bit of rest, but then Emerson's heart rate started dropping with each contraction.  We spent another 8 hours watching and monitoring his heart rate.  During these 8 hours, with each contraction his heart rate would dip below 90 and then when I wasn't having a contraction it would go right back up.  The doctor came in and inserted a monitor into the top of Emerson's head so that they could monitor his heart rate closer.  They also inserted a tube and monitor into my uterus.  The tube was to inject saline into my uterus.  They speculated that his cord was wrapped somewhere and the thought was that if they could provide fluid around him that it would give him a cushion and give the cord a break.  The monitor was to better monitor my contractions.  The saline worked for awhile, but then his heart rate started dropping again.  This is where they figured out that if they turned me into a different position that his heart rate would stay at a safe rate for awhile.  Layton and our doula spent a few hours flipping me from side to side.  The doctor came in and checked the contraction monitor and saw that my contractions where not nearly strong enough to progress me.  This is why I had only dilated 5 cm in 16 hours.  She wanted to try a little Pitocin to try and give me stronger contractions, but overtime they went to give it me his heart rate would drop even lower.  This is when the doctor spoke with me and Layton and said that her advice was to take Emerson my c-section instead of letting labor go on any further.  

I was devastated at first.  At the start of this pregnancy I had my heart set on having a natural, unmedicated birth and look what my birth story was turning into.  I felt like a failure.  The thought even crossed my mind that I had caused all of this because I had broken down and gotten the epidural.  I am so thankful that our doula, my mom and Layton were in the room with me to encourage me and set me straight.  

After we made the decision to go through with the c-section things started moving really quickly because at that point I had spiked a 100 degree fever.  They got Layton all suited up in his scrubs and we signed the consent form and they wheeled me into the operating room.  Not long after, Layton and our doula arrived in the operating room with me.  It wasn't long before I heard the little cry of my boy.  At 11:46 am on Sunday, October 14 (his Grandpa Wedgeworth's birthday), Emerson came into our lives.  All 7 lbs 8 oz and 21 1/4 inches of him!  They cleaned him off really quickly and brought him over to us so that I could hold him.  We didn't get to hold him for very long because there were a few things not in his favor at birth.  

This is where God really worked miracles!  First, his cord was double wrapped around his neck.  That's why his heart rate dropped with each contraction.  Second, I had an infection in my amniotic fluid called Chorioamnionitis that can pass along Sepsis to the baby.  And third, Emerson and I have incompatible blood types which can cause sever jaundice.  These are the three reasons why Emerson had to spend 48 hours away from us in the NICU.  

I am so thankful to my God for sparing my son from any of these things harming him.  He is perfectly healthy!  He never got an infection and his jaundice levels stayed really low.  He is a fighter and I know that God has amazing things in store for his life.  He is a champion nurser, despite being away from me for the first 48 hours of his life, and he has already put on 1 lb and 1 oz in 15 days!  I thank God every day when I look at Emerson that His plan prevailed and mine did not.  

Here are a few pictures that our doula took capturing our birth story.  

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Definitely Discouraged but Encouraged

I've tried not to complain to anyone besides family throughout this pregnancy.  I think it is very insensitive to women who cannot get pregnant when women complain about pregnancy symptoms.  I'm going to break my rule just for a few minutes because I just need to write and get my feelings and emotions out.

This morning I had a complete breakdown.  I am almost 7 days past my due date and I am so emotionally, physically and mentally tired, drained and discouraged.  I had a friend who was due the same day as me who had her baby last week and I have a friend who is due 3 1/2 weeks after me who is now in labor.  That is what put me over the edge this morning.  When Layton came into the bedroom and told me that this friend's water had broken I broke down.  I completely bawled and I may have said some very irrational things at the time.  Here are some of the things that I've been thinking and saying to myself:
  • I'm never going to have this baby
  • Everyone is having their baby but me
  • I'm going to be pregnant forever
  • Something is wrong with my body and it doesn't know what it's supposed to do
  • My body is going to look like this forever
  • I'm never going to be comfortable or sleep comfortably again
I'm hoping that I'm not the only overdue women out there who has ever thought these thoughts.  

Being pregnant is tough.  It's a lot of work and it takes a toll on one's body.  Now take that past the 40 week mark and it gets even more difficult.  It starts to become a mental thing.  I think that due dates are from the devil.  If no one were to put into your head that your due date is on a specific date then we wouldn't get our hopes up.

I want this baby out!  Not only because I am completely uncomfortable, but because I have been waiting 40 weeks to meet him.  I have been dreaming about what his little hands and feet will look like.  I have been wondering if he'll have my nose and Layton's eyes.

Here's the good news.  I have really been feeling the Lord speaking to me through all of this.  Yesterday He reminded me of my life verse, Proverbs 3: 5-6, which says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all of your ways, acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."  I heard Him ask me the other night when I was in the tub, "Are you trusting in me? Do you trust that I know the exact day and time that your son will come into this world?"  And this morning I woke up with Jeremiah 29:11a in my head, which says, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord."  I love how that verse says that the plans for me are God's, not mine.  If I were to have it my way, Emerson would have been born on October 1st.  Apparently, that is not the way that God has for us and those are not the plans that He has for Emerson.

I am learning to wait through all of this.  I am not an extremely patient person and I am having to learn patience.  I know I'm not doing it very gracefully, but I'm learning it nonetheless.

I have quite a few doctors appointments this week since I'm a week past my due date and on Tuesday we will schedule an induction date for if he doesn't come on his own.  That is the one major things that is getting me through the next few days, knowing that by Tuesday we will have a final date on the calendar.  We will for sure know the last possible day that he will arrive.  Until then I sit and wait ungracefully patiently.

Now I'm going turn off my phone and go sit outside and read a book.  I need a mental health day!

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Week 40...

I was really hoping that I wouldn't be writing this blog this week!  But I am sitting here on October 3, 2 days post date, writing yet another weekly blog update.  I have never wanted something to happen so badly in my life and it's driving me CRAZY having absolutely no control over it.  I guess I'm learning one of my first lessons about can't really plan and control! I'm learning to roll with the punches.  God already knows your birthday and I am trying to wait patiently until it is the right time for us to meet you.

Here are a few things that I've tried to get you to make your arrival.  Spicy foods, walking, bouncing on my exercise ball, and getting my membranes stripped twice (VERY painful).  Today I am going to try red raspberry leaf tea and pineapple.

I had another doctor appointment yesterday and haven't made any progress since last week and I'm trying not to get discouraged.  I've only gained 22 lbs so far!  If you are not here by Monday I have to go to the hospital to start having non-stress tests done to make sure that you aren't too stressed by being in my belly too long and next Tuesday we'll start discussing induction at 42 weeks.  Please little man...come out by then!  Your daddy is already done with work and is staying home with me now in anticipation of your arrival.

I promise I'll buy you something really special if you come out soon!