Tearing down my box...

Due to my Type A personality I have made quite the TINY box for myself to live in over the last 10 years. I had the 10 year plan and, in my opinion, stuck to that plan quite nicely.

I got married and finished school, bought a house/sold it and bought another, got a job that I've been at for 7 years, took very planned vacations each summer, and have not had kids yet (because I haven't wanted to).

I'll admit that I've liked the box that I've lived in. I've been comfortable. It's kind of nice being comfortable. But God doesn't want us to get too comfy.

God has been challenging me over the last year to tear down apart my TINY box and I don't think I've done a very good job of listening. My health has not been great since last April, and in September Layton took a job in San Francisco. Both of these things shook the TINY little box that I've built for myself. The last year has not been extremely easy for me due to both of these circumstances. I now see that God dropped both of these circumstances inside my box to make me step outside of it and to allow Him to create a new box for me. I am not scared anymore because I know that God has already overcome anything scary that I may face in my life.

John 16:33 says: "These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."

Today I tore away a little corner of my box and I am learning to find peace in that. I informed my job that I will not be returning at the end of this school year due to the fact that I'm moving.

Yes, that's right. This person who has only lived in 3 houses during her almost 30 years of life. This person who said they WOULD NEVER move even a tiny bit away from family. Layton and I are moving to the Bay Area this summer!! We don't know exactly what city we'll end up in, but I have peace that God is going to provide the perfect house for us to rent in the perfect city. I have peace that God will guide me to the right doctors there so that we can figure out the next step in getting me healthy again. I have peace now knowing that God is tearing down my box because good things are about to happen once I step outside of that TINY box.

This whole process has been God's timing (I'll write another blog about that later). I can't help but have peace. I am so excited to start a new decade in a month and a half. I am so excited for what the year 30 is going to bring!!

Faithful Father...

I think I have always been a worrier. I don't think I learned it from either of my parents. I think it's just the type of brain I have. I have a very hard time turing my brain off from trying to control and make the future work, before I really even know all of the cirucmstances.

Well...here I sit again worrying and trying to make all of the puzzle pieces of my future fit together perfectly.

I have been having chronic health issues for almost a year now. In November I had surgery hoping and praying that it would lessen my issues. Over 11 weeks later and I'm not quite sure that the surgery was successful. I'm hoping to meet with my doctor soon to discuss other options/possibilities. Amidst all of this we have been discussing a possible move to the bay are to be closer to Layton's job. I have found myself almost worrying myself sick this weekend because I'd lose my insurance through my job, meaning I'd lose coverage with the amazing surgeon that I've been working with. If I just need to get pregnant to fix some of my health issues, will I find the right doctor through Kaiser that will know about my issues and be the right fit for me? We've even talked about staying here if my doctor thinks it's best and in order to keep my health insurance, but then that would mean another year of us only seeing each other for a few hours each week!

These are all of the thoughts that have been racing through my head over the last few days. Then today a song from one of my favorite singers came into my mind. The song is called "Faithful Father" by Sarah Kelly. Here are the lyrics:

"I open my heart
Embracing Your change
On You I fix my gaze
I feel the heat of Your lamp on my feet
Guiding my way

Why do I worry? Why do I worry about tomorrow?
When You are the one who holds my future in Your hands
Faithful Father I surrender all to You
All my love and my devotion
All to you

Following peace completely fulfilled
I'm confidently still
Through king or stranger
You'll broaden my path
As I walk in Your will, so

My motives and intentions
To You
My trust and my affection to You Lord,
All for You
Faithful Father I surrender all to You
All my love and my devotion
All to you I surrender"

Why is it so hard to surrender everything to the one who holds our future and lights every step of our way with his will? I know that it is in God's will for Layton and I to spend more than a few hours together a week, so why can't I walk in a confident stillness knowing that my God guides every single step I take? He is a faithful Father that cares about every single worry and longing of my heart and I know that He wants my health restored and for me to spend time with my husband!

I have learned that surrendering my "worry sessions" to God is going to be a daily thing with me. I have claimed Proverbs 3: 5-6 as my verse for 2011 and I'm really being challenged to put that trust into action.

For better or for worse

In a world where marriage really is not valued anymore and where the divorce rate is higher than ever, I was reminded today of what true love and commitment really is. Layton and I went to visit his grandma Ann today, who is dying, and we sat talking with her and Layton's grandpa Bill. These are two people who when they got married 59 years ago at the ages of 19 and 22 never dreamed of what life would be like for them 59 years later.

Layton's grandma had a severe stroke 9 years ago and has been bed/wheelchair ridden ever since. Throughout the years I have been so amazed at the devotion of Bill towards his wife. He has never skipped a beat in taking care of her every need. Now Ann's kidneys are failing and I am yet again amazed at their love and devotion for each other.

We sat tonight and looked through their wedding photos and they told us about their date to Leatherby's the other night. Ann talked about the great time they had together and how they ordered one rootbeer float with two straws. It brought tears to my eyes knowing that a dying woman who has been married to the same man for 59 years still cherishes those special dates. They have been an amazing example over the years of "for better or for worse!" I just hope that in 49 years Layton and I will be as devoted to each other as Bill and Ann Wedgeworth are. They have truly left a legacy for their children, grandchildren and great grandchildren to follow.

Well taken care of

After a pretty frustrating day teaching Research Papers (if you know me well, you know that this is my most hated time of the year) I was not looking forward to coming home to an empty house :(

I was reminded that God knows how to take care of me, even if it is the little things!

...My grandmother called to tell me how wise and smart she thinks I am. She also provided a few good laughs, like always.

...My mother called to give me some much needed, GOOD advice.

...My best friend called to give me a 10 minute pep talk.

...My husband called to talk about our day and to tell me goodnight, while I soaked in a nice hot bubble bath.

...And I got to spend the evening with my 2 best furry friends!

Thanks God for taking care of me!

Today was a good day

It started with my husband taking me to work. Followed by my husband picking me up. Followed by us eating dinner before 7:00. Followed by me making cookies. Followed by us watching tv together on the couch.

I could get used to him being in town :)

I made homemade stir fry and peanut butter cookies!

Making Your Marrige the Exception

This is the video of this last weekend's service at my church. It gives great advice about making your marriage last through an age of divorce!

I find it interesting that they bring up Facebook when I just blogged about it and decided to stop using it. I loved that Pastor Ray added an 11th commandment to the Bible...thou shalt not have any past relationship on your friend's list on Facebook. I deleted my ex-boyfriend from FB ages ago...THANK GOD :) I think it's interesting that people are friends on FB with past relationships or their spouses past relationships. It seems like you'd want to get as far away from that as possible.

Check it out!! It has some great stuff in it!!

http://www.baysideonline.com/22843/ray-carol-johnston-making-your-marriage-the-exception-2/

Purging

I cannot believe that I am actually purging a house that I've been comfortable in for 6 years now. Time to get rid of unwanted/unneeded items in order for packing to be easier :)

So excited!!!

Donations for the Library:

Starting the Goodwill donations pile:

Starting the "giving away" pile:

Adios Facebook!!

So I've decided to pretty much stop using Facebook because it's become unhealthy for me. I just started thinking about how public and vain it really is. I read this interesting article about a study done that shows the vain aspect of people that update Facebook obsessively.

http://www.ajc.com/news/study-facebook-fanatics-vain-610115.html

You have to understand me...I know I'm pointing a finger...but there are 3 pointing right back at me! I have been guilty of the very things that are really starting to bug me about social networking sites. I'm tired of the drama, of the rudeness, of the fake persona that social networking sites allow people to set up for themselves. It's strange to me that Facebook friends have in some way taken over real friendships. It's strange to me that a person's Facebook friends list needs to reflect who they are friends with IN REAL LIFE!! I hate it that I can't really get away from people on Facebook that I've chosen to distance myself from in real life.

I just think as a Christian woman I should be spending time doing things that are uplifting. I should be spending time with my husband and not on my iPhone looking at Facebook.

So...I've deleted Facebook from my phone and I've decided to stop using it to post status updates. I've decided to block quite a few people and hide quite a few of my friends that I feel like I can't delete due to the fact that they'll get pissed because I don't want to read their narcissistic status updates anymore. I will still look at it every so often and comment on friend's photos. I will just not allow it to consume my life or bug me anymore.

Life is to short and precious to spend it on some social networking site looking at what other people are doing.