Monday, February 14, 2011

Faithful Father...

I think I have always been a worrier. I don't think I learned it from either of my parents. I think it's just the type of brain I have. I have a very hard time turing my brain off from trying to control and make the future work, before I really even know all of the cirucmstances. I sit again worrying and trying to make all of the puzzle pieces of my future fit together perfectly.

I have been having chronic health issues for almost a year now. In November I had surgery hoping and praying that it would lessen my issues. Over 11 weeks later and I'm not quite sure that the surgery was successful. I'm hoping to meet with my doctor soon to discuss other options/possibilities. Amidst all of this we have been discussing a possible move to the bay are to be closer to Layton's job. I have found myself almost worrying myself sick this weekend because I'd lose my insurance through my job, meaning I'd lose coverage with the amazing surgeon that I've been working with. If I just need to get pregnant to fix some of my health issues, will I find the right doctor through Kaiser that will know about my issues and be the right fit for me? We've even talked about staying here if my doctor thinks it's best and in order to keep my health insurance, but then that would mean another year of us only seeing each other for a few hours each week!

These are all of the thoughts that have been racing through my head over the last few days. Then today a song from one of my favorite singers came into my mind. The song is called "Faithful Father" by Sarah Kelly. Here are the lyrics:

"I open my heart
Embracing Your change
On You I fix my gaze
I feel the heat of Your lamp on my feet
Guiding my way

Why do I worry? Why do I worry about tomorrow?
When You are the one who holds my future in Your hands
Faithful Father I surrender all to You
All my love and my devotion
All to you

Following peace completely fulfilled
I'm confidently still
Through king or stranger
You'll broaden my path
As I walk in Your will, so

My motives and intentions
To You
My trust and my affection to You Lord,
All for You
Faithful Father I surrender all to You
All my love and my devotion
All to you I surrender"

Why is it so hard to surrender everything to the one who holds our future and lights every step of our way with his will? I know that it is in God's will for Layton and I to spend more than a few hours together a week, so why can't I walk in a confident stillness knowing that my God guides every single step I take? He is a faithful Father that cares about every single worry and longing of my heart and I know that He wants my health restored and for me to spend time with my husband!

I have learned that surrendering my "worry sessions" to God is going to be a daily thing with me. I have claimed Proverbs 3: 5-6 as my verse for 2011 and I'm really being challenged to put that trust into action.

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